Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
