Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
