I love black thongs
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
