if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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