That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
