Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
