grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
