oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
