im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
