yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
