did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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