when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
