He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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