some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
