I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
