maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
