fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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