Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
