Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
