I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
