I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
