Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
