This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
