Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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