He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
