thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
