Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
