i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
