My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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