Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
