Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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