Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
