My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
