This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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