Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
