WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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