That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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