College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
