Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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