I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
