The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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