I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
