I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
