I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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