My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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