Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
