he told me I talked like a deaf person
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
