omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
