We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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