I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
