This girl is more easily done than said...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
