anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
