You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The air taste purple.
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