god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
