by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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