Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
