i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
