you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
