You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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